Christmas
by warinbabylon
Summary: After the events of Warmonger, the Doctor is very much OUT of touch with himself. And a visit with an old friend is just what the Doctor ordered. Disclaimer: It's all the BBC. I don't own them. Really. Story 3 in the Nowhere Series


He was worn. Tired. Ached in his bones. And although he had spent   
more than a year apart from Peri, when they had come back together   
after their affair with Morbius, it was only a matter of time before   
they both decided some time apart in familiar surroundings was in   
order.  
  
Somehow he had shed his black uniform and had gotten back into his   
cricket uniform, but had found it didn't quite fit. The sweater was   
loose, his trousers were tight in his thighs and baggy at the waist.   
For the first time in his incarnation, he wondered if he should find   
other clothes. Butafter several months as 'Supremo', a warlord,   
wearing black, ordering global attacks, commanding Cybermen,   
Sonatarans and every other humanoid species in the galaxy, he only   
wanted familiarity.   
  
But even the TARDIS was not familiar. Not really. He ached   
internally and the TARDIS knew it, striving to help him gain inner   
peace, but of course that unbalanced it's normally zen interior. It   
would do her more good if he found a place to settle down and gain   
some balance. He was changing, maturing he supposed, but without the   
benefit of regeneration he had to own up to the change in a way to   
which he was unaccustomed.   
  
Peri had issued him out the door of the TARDIS, but remained behind.   
She was more than willing to rest in the time machine. She needed   
the rest as well. He left the phone number with a warning that he   
wasn't sure he would be there and then walked out of the TARDIS   
without checking the fine temporal tuners. He only knew it was 1992,   
but not the month. Although the cold snow licking at his skin when   
he stepped out did clue him to winter.   
  
At the first telephone kiosk, he stepped up and reached for the   
phone.   
  
"Happy Christmas!" called the young female voice.   
  
The sound of the happiness in the child's voice brought a long dead   
smile to his lips. "Ah, Amy. Happy Christmas to you too. Is your   
mother there?"  
  
"Momma!"   
  
He held the phone away from his ear as the receiver was dropped on   
the other end. He could hear Amy running through the apartment and   
Tegan's broad draw answering back. As she drew nearer to the phone,   
he found himself holding onto the receiver with both hands. Her   
voice grew louder. ".it's on the floor, Amy. Please don't drop the   
phone like that" And then she was there. "Hello? Happy Christmas."  
  
"Happy Christmas, Tegan," he stated simply.   
  
"Doctor!" He was sure there was genuine happiness and good cheer in   
the way she called his name.   
  
"Is it Christmas?" he heard his voice ask.  
  
"Well, no" she laughed in return. "You walked out without checking   
the temporal fine tuner, didn't you? At least that never changes.   
It's December 19th, 1992. Whatever are you doing in London now?"  
  
"A long story with an incredibly boring narrative," he answered with   
a sigh.   
  
There was a long, long pause and then her voice turned worried,   
quiet. "Doc? Where are you?"  
  
"Five blocks from your apartment," he murmured.  
  
"You can make it here in a few minutes, then," she stated   
decisively.   
  
He sighed. "Tegan: a lot has happened," he attempted to explain.   
Knowing that was an understatement, he continued. "I've done some   
thingsthat I'm not proud ofI've changed."  
  
Another long pause followed. He could hear her possibly sitting, and   
then probably leaning forward. "Doc.you wouldn't have called   
if you didn't want to come here. And now that I know you're here, I   
want you to come here. Please."  
  
"All right," he breathed. "All right. I'll be there in five minutes   
or so"  
  
"Look, give me thirty. Let me put the children to bedMichael is   
already there"  
  
"Thirty," he replied. "See you then."  
  
**  
The door opened and he quietly stood on the welcome mat. His eyes   
were down. He hadn't thought that he expected Tegan to see the   
difference in him, to denounce him as she had in the warehouse, but   
as he stood there, he felt a sinking feeling that she might. He was   
baring himself to the person that knew him best and was,   
unfortunately, waiting to be shunned. An urge rose in his stomach to   
run, but a need he hadn't recognized for some acceptance rooted him   
to the spot.   
  
"Doc?"  
  
"Tegan," he answered quietly.   
  
"What happened to you?" she breathed. He felt her hands grab at his   
arm and he was pulled into the warm kitchen. "You're soaked through."  
  
"The snow was not entirely snow," he joked. "It seemed it hid a few   
raindrops among the flakes. A change in the weather patterns, I   
should think."  
  
She frowned, her lips creating a colorful crumpled pout. "And you   
waited outside for thirty minutes? Cripes, Doc, if I had known"  
  
"Don't worry" he attempted a smile.   
  
"I won't if you can tell me that Gallifreyans don't get colds" she   
admonished. Then with a sigh, she nodded. "Rightbelieve it or not,   
I can help you. Come with me"  
  
**  
  
The sweater was large for him but the trousers fit perfectly. They   
were blue and gray respectively and he felt that the colors fit his   
mood perfectly. The Doctor sank into the couch next to the window   
and watched the snow fall as he waited for Tegan to finish with the   
tea. The front door held an advent calendar with four more days to   
go to the end. An electric candle rested on the window sill.   
  
"Tell me," she said, as she joined him in the room. "Tell me what   
has happened. Even if you hadn't told me that something had, I would   
have known. I've never seen your hair this short."  
  
He sighed and lowered his head. The street light outside made the   
flakes on the window glitter. "When you're in the military, the hair   
must be regulation length"  
  
"Military?"  
  
The Doctor turned and faced her. She was in a sweater and jeans and   
was holding out a mug to him. He took it thankfully and wrapped his   
hands around its burning heat. "The short story, Tegan, is that I   
ran into my own past and had to engineer events so that they occurred   
correctly. Morbius, a renegade, extremely powerful Time Lord was   
loose and was laying waste to most of the galaxy. I led a multi-  
system, multi-species army and armada against him. And we won."  
  
She sat down hard. "Guns aren't your style" she breathed.   
  
"Except for the one day when you left me" he answered with a   
grimace. "Yes, Tegan, guns aren't my style, but strategy is."  
  
Her brown eyes widened but she agreed slowly. "Okay, yes. I've seen   
you play chess; I believe that. But war? " The tone of her voice was   
not accusing, but unbelieving, he supposed. She had had almost ten   
years to come to terms with the warehouse, with a level of violence   
that she could not reconcile with what she knew of him.   
  
"Peri was separated from me. The only way that I could get her back   
was to help the Time Lords restrain Morbius. To beat him back. To   
save the galaxy from domination by him" he stumbled over the words,   
forcing them out. He met her gaze hesitantly. "It was right to do   
what we didbut I can't quite justify the end with the means, Tegan."  
  
"What means?" she asked, her voice hardening.  
  
He frowned and shook his head, reluctant to tell her what had   
happened. "Too many deaths. Too many good people died, Tegan. And   
I am having a very hard time dealing with it. I have blood on my   
hands." He glanced down at his hands and then back up at her. "I   
know what you think of me; what you thought of me, Tegan. And I   
think I quite believe it myself."  
  
Her mouth worked silently and he thought she was going to lecture   
him, but then he felt her hand clasp his. "Doc" His eyes had   
drifted from hers. "Doc, look at me."  
  
He lifted his eyes and realized there was nothing more he wanted to   
say about what had happened. She searched his eyes, staring at him.   
He wondered what she saw; he wondered if what he had heard about the   
eyes being windows to the soul were true. A small part of him   
thought she could see his soulthat part of him that remained the   
same, always. And he mused that maybe she found it lacking.  
  
"Oh Doctor."  
  
The pity in her voice made him wince. It shocked him from his   
trance. "Tegan"  
  
Her hand tightened on his and for once when he touched one of his   
companions, he found it wasn't an unwelcome feeling.   
  
"Look," she sighed quietly, "I don't want to talk about this, Doc. I   
buried the reason I left you a couple of years ago after I saw you   
again. Whatever you did, you did for a reason. I believe you did   
what you had to do."  
  
"I wish I could. Tegan, there should have been another way" He   
frowned at the edge in his voice.  
  
"There always can be. This war, Docthat you foughtit was history   
to you, yes? It was in Gallifrey's archives?"   
  
"Yes."  
  
"And it happened according to history?"  
  
"Oh yes," he murmured. "I made quite sure of that. I engineered and   
contrived more situations and occurrences than I care to remember to   
insure it."  
  
"A slave to history," she commented lowly, as if to herself. "You   
didn't have a choice."  
  
He lowered his head. "It doesn't make me feel any better about it,   
Tegan. A pawn or free will, it doesn't matter. I simply want to   
regain what I'm missingmy inner peaceI can't travel without itthe   
TARDIS can't properly work with me like this. It can't. I can't"  
  
"And coming here?"  
  
"Yes, well" he sighed, withdrawing his hand slowly. "Tegan, II had   
hoped"  
  
"To regain some focuswith someone familiar," she stated   
quietly. "It's Christmas, Doc."  
  
"I know.had I knownI wouldn't have come hereyour family" he   
agreed.   
  
She shook her head slowly, frowning. "Cripes, Doc, yet again, you   
have it all wrong." She rose and walked toward the back bedroom. He   
watched her go with wary eyes. When she opened the door, she   
continued to talk. "I've never seen you look so lostnot even when   
Adric.passed. You look tired and old. You need restalthough with   
two small children in the house I don't know how well you'll fare,   
but you're a Time Lordyou barely sleep anyway. You're staying, Doc."  
  
"Even at Christmas?"  
  
"Especially at Christmas, Doc. Finish your tea; I'll get some sheets   
and blankets. We can decide who gets the bed when you're ready to   
turn in."  
  
That got his attention. "Tegan, I would never take your bedI need   
so little sleep"  
  
"Ah, but you can shut the door and sleep until you're ready to get   
up. Tomorrow is Saturday. It won't be the first time I have slept   
on my own couch, Doc."  
  
He smiled at the humor in her voice. He rose and followed her to the   
door, glancing into her bedroom. It was neat and very feminine. She   
was burrowing through the bottom of her closet. Around her bed, near   
the window, was a pile of gifts and a couple of stockings. "You hide   
their gifts in here?"  
  
"Their wrapped ones, yes," she said. "It's a sacred secret where the   
others are." When she pulled out the required linens, she turned to   
him. "Take the bed, Doc. And I'll see you in the morning."  
  
**

When he walked out the door the next morning, he felt as though he   
had walked into a whirlwind. And he wondered how any adult got any   
sleep around Christmas. He had experienced the holiday previously:   
often exchanging gifts with his companions, sometimes finding a quiet   
village in which to set down for a time. But he had never celebrated   
it around little children; especially little children who were eagerly   
awaiting toys.  
  
Tegan was trying to pack a day/overnight bag with children's toys and   
to keep her children quiet at the same time. He leaned against the   
doorjam and watched the bustle of the household with some amusement.   
Amy had grown in the last year. She stood with her head even with   
the top of his stomach. He had to remind himself that the young   
incorrigible lass whom he had scooped up out of the sand was rapidly   
becoming a headstrong, vivacious individual. He quite liked her.  
  
And Michael had grown like a weed. His once sandy brown hair had   
darkened and he ran through the apartment like a child possessed.   
Wracking his memory he remembered that the boy was just over two   
years of age or maybe two and a half. And the two children were very   
hyper.   
  
"Michael David, please," Tegan sighed. "Calm down. And bring me your   
shoes. Grandmama wants to see your new shoes. And Amy, quiet.   
Don't wake the Doctor."  
  
Amy skipped past her mother and came up to him with a wide smile on   
her face. "I remember you," she said happily.  
  
"I remember you as well, Amy," he replied, smiling down at her. "And   
you have grown. Quite a lot."  
  
Tegan twisted and shook her head slowly. "Sorry, Doc. Did we wake   
you?"  
  
"No, not at all," he walked to stand near the door to the kitchen.  
  
"Would you like breakfast?" she asked, packing the remaining clothes   
into the bag. "If you give me a moment"  
  
"Ah no, Tegan. I'm not hungry thank you," he commented and sat down   
on the couch in front of her. "I gather you are leaving"  
  
"For a day, yes. I had promised Mother that I would bring the   
children over before Christmas. They are coming here Christmas   
evening. We'll be back tomorrow morning," she stated, pushing on the   
clothes to close the small suitcase. Then she glanced at him. And   
seemed taken aback. "Hmm. Dark colors make you lookdifferent."  
  
He glanced down at his sweater and trousers and brushed his hands   
down the heavy material. "Yes. I'm not quite used to it. Tomorrow   
you say."  
  
"Yes," she sighed. "I can't call it off, Doc. I've had it promised   
for a long time." She climbed to her feet slowly. Then with a smile   
she turned to him. "Why don't you come with me? Mother won't mind."  
  
"Tegan" he stated, but was distracted as Amy approached with Michael   
in tow. She held up a very nicely done finger painting of a tree   
with presents underneath it. The look on her face dictated that he   
take it. She bounced and both she and her little brother clapped   
when he said: "Thank you. It's rather good."  
  
He placed it on his lap and gave Tegan a quixotic look. She lifted   
her chin with a smile. "Turn it over"  
  
With raised eyebrows, he did. And on the back of the paper in a   
child's scrawl he saw his name printed. Tegan walked slowly over and   
dodged her children as they ran off to find their shoes. "She makes   
one for you every holiday and has me mail them to you."  
  
"In the post? Teganit'll never find me," he had to stifle a laugh.   
  
"Between you and me, Doc, I've never mailed them. They are nicely   
folded and in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe. I'll give them to   
you before you leave."  
  
"But" he glanced back down at the picture. "How? Or more   
importantly why?"  
  
"She remembers you a sight clearer than she remembers Tom, I'm   
afraid. And I do have two pictures of you. I haven't had any   
boyfriends to speak of either. Soother than her uncles, you are all   
that she remembers of a male that stays here. She likes you."  
  
He pulled out his half-moon glasses and set them on his nose. He   
gazed closely at the picture until he heard Tegan giggle. "Doc, it's   
not the Mona Lisa."  
  
"I've never received something like this, Tegan. Let me enjoy it,   
hmm?" he stated exasperated.   
  
He felt her hand on his shoulder and with a sigh, he looked up at   
her. "I don't suppose the cricketing outfit would be appropriate,   
would it? For your family, I mean."  
  
She sat down on the couch next to him and sighed. "Doc, you don't   
have to come."  
  
"I think it will do me some good and I would like to spend more time   
with Amy and Michael," he replied, taking off his glasses. "To stay   
here, alone, would only have me mulling over things which shouldn't   
be mulled over, I think."  
  
Her firm nod gave him some reassurance. "That's the last thing you   
need. If you need some inner peace, the thing that I've always found   
works is to forget yourself. My travels with you helped me to find   
mine. And being around my brood will help, I guarantee it." She   
gave him a look and winced as Amy screamed a laugh in the next   
room. "My neighbors aren't too happy with me lately. Are you ready   
to wear it again? I'll have to clean it."  
  
"No. Not really," he muttered. "And it doesn't quite fit."  
  
"Then"she rose and motioned for him to follow. As they passed the   
children's bedroom, she called into them to put down the pillows and   
get their toy bags. When they entered her bedroom, she lead him to   
the closet and motioned to two boxes at the top. "I kept Tom's   
clothesthe ones that fit my brothers and others that I haven't had   
the stomach to part with yet. You're wearing some now; I think the   
rest will fit you. There's a small bag in the back as well."   
Turning, she gave him a look that he couldn't place. "Pleaseget out   
what you would like and what you think would fit. Just a pair of   
trousers and a sweater"  
  
"Tegan" he argued. "I don't think-"  
  
She spoke over him. "Please. If there is anyone I think is   
deserving enough to wear his clothes, it's you. I'll get the   
terrible duo together. I'm glad that you are coming, Doc." And then   
with a glance at the clothes in the closet, she turned and walked out   
of the room.  
  
He watched her go speechless. And then, with precision and care, he   
retrieved the boxes and set about packing.   
  
**  
  
"We're going to cut down a tree, Mike," Tegan said, enthused as she   
helped the boy step into and tighten his boots.   
  
Amy held onto the Doctor's shoulders and nimbly stepped into her   
boots as well. "Just like last year, Mikey," she explained as though   
her younger brother should indeed remember the last year of his   
life. The Doctor stifled a smile at the matter of fact tone in the   
girl's voice.   
  
"He can't remember last year, Amy," Tegan corrected. "But you doand   
it's your turn to tell Granddad which one" She patted Mike's foot   
and the boy grinned, rushing off to join his grandparents as they   
waited by the door.  
  
Amy finished putting her shoes on and gave the Doctor a kiss on the   
cheek before she ran off after her brother. Tegan glanced at her Time   
Lord friend and smiled wildly. "I do believe that is the closest you   
have let a female to you in as long as I have known you," she   
commented gently.  
  
"Yes, well" he cleared his throat. Where the child had pressed the   
kiss to his cheek, he felt warm. Of course, he could muse the   
difference in their body temperatures caused the warmth to blossom.   
But the last year fighting his 'good war' had made him yearn for a   
gentle touch, a passing look of innocence. He had seen death and   
fighting and blood and guns enough to fill all of his thirteen lives;   
it had changed him. Changed him to the point that beauty and   
innocence was a shock to his system. He knew it was not just a   
difference in body temperature.  
  
"Hey" Tegan pressed, standing next to him. "You all right, Doc?"  
  
He stared at her and he stood still as she searched his eyes. After   
a time, he bowed his head. Tegan's hand on his shoulder roused him   
from his musings. "Come on."   
  
He followed Tegan in a semi-daze out the front door and into the   
falling snow. He passed the small snowman that Tegan and he and the   
children had created that morning and the snow angels Michael had   
made as they walked to the waiting minivan. Dean and Samantha Jovanka were already   
inside, seated in the front bucket seats. The children were nestled   
into the middle seat in their child-sized restraints. He helped   
Tegan climb in and then closed the door after himself.  
  
The back seat was a tight fit for the both of them. He ended up   
putting his arm along the back of Tegan's shoulders to conserve the   
space. Her grimace told him that she knew he was uneasy with the   
close quarters. "It's only an hour to the farm, Doc," she   
encouraged. "Can you manage it? Do you want me to change seats"  
  
"I'm fine," he reassured.   
  
But the frown on her face made him realize that she wasn't so sure   
about his proclamation.  
  
**  
  
The ride home was much slower going in his estimation. The tree   
weighed down the minivan and gave it more traction, but it was   
darker and was still snowing. The children, after several hours of   
running, playing and frolicking in the snow, snoozed and slept in   
their seats. He couldn't guess as to what Dean and Samantha were   
talking about, but it didn't seem important now. The physical   
exertion of cutting down and tying the tree to the vehicle had   
released some of his tension. And Tegan was napping quietly,   
evidently secure that her children and herself were safe.  
  
He could see her reliance on security in the way that her expression   
gentled and became easy in her light slumber. He knew that she   
worried for her children and herself. That was absolutely clear by   
the way that she even argued with him about how he carried them. He,   
a man she had trusted her life to more times than he was willing to   
admit; she worried about her children with even him. It made him   
physically ill to know that it was her time with him that caused that   
insecurity and fear. She was still the brave heart of the TARDIS,   
but there was a cautious, wary, pained edge to her now. Tegan had   
matured, and with it, she had learned her own mortality.   
  
It was quite sad.  
  
And yet, as they meandered along the country road towards the village   
where the Jovanka's lived, Tegan turned toward him in her sleep. She   
laid her cheek on his shoulder and he let his arm drape across her   
shoulders. A bump brought her awake a short time later.  
  
"Sorry, Doc," she whispered, and tried to regain the distance between   
them, but he kept his arm firmly about her shoulders.   
  
"Stay as you are. You gave your coat to Amy and I gave mine to   
Michael; you'll be quite cold. Besides, until you came awake, we   
were quite comfortable," he explained. All of it was truth, but it   
was not completely the truth. He had liked the fact that in sleep,   
she had gravitated towards him for security.   
  
"Now I know you've changed," she quietly joked. "You don't like   
physical contact, remember, Doc?"  
  
"Yes, wellI told you aboutmy activities this last year" he   
sighed. "And I suppose it has changed me."  
  
"Evidently. This worries me, though."  
  
"Touching me worries you? Interesting," he commented. "Does it   
bother you?"  
  
"No. Surprisingly, your shoulder is quite comfortable."  
  
He gave her a reproachful glance. "Surprisingly? Hmph." At her   
quiet giggle, he nodded. "I'm surprised at the ease with which your   
parents accepted me here."  
  
"You're likeable," she replied. "For the most partif it doesn't   
involve Daleks or Cybermen" she smiled tightly. "No, Mom is quite   
taken with you from that trip a year and a half back. And Dad"   
  
"Your father? Yes? Continue, please," he pressed. "He is very   
friendly."  
  
"And very stubborn," she admitted. "I take after him. No, Dad   
accepts any man I bring along. He doesn't want me to be alonehe   
loved Tom, but" she shrugged. "Not that he thinks that with youand   
not that I think that with you"  
  
He lifted an eyebrow and gave her a small frown. Tegan returned his   
glance and moved a bit away. "It's not like that at all. Mom knows   
differently, but Dad is hopeful. It's not you. It's any man I've   
brought home in the last nine months; he doesn't care if you're just   
a friend. Cripes, Doc" He looked closely at her face and saw her   
blush.  
  
To soothe her rising agitation, he nodded slowly. "I did ask, didn't   
I? I understand, Tegan."   
  
She glanced at him, spearing him, he felt, with her chocolate eyes in   
the dark. "Do you? Doc, I didn't think you wanted to understand   
human interaction-"  
  
"I'm quite capable of understanding not wanting to be alone, Tegan,"   
he prodded quietly. "And I understand a level of protectiveness that   
a parent would have for a child and her children that includes   
wanting a male of the species to be around a nesting female"  
  
"Nesting-" The tone of her voice reminded him of years when all he   
had heard was her voice raised in anger/fear/agitation/pleading for   
someone's life. He had heard it often when he had been acting wrongly   
or had exceeded her ability to fathom his emotional involvement or   
lack thereof by her standards. It was endearing to hear it again.   
He gave her a wide, innocent smile.  
  
"Well, yes, Teganin some planetary communities what you are doing is   
considered nesting," he supplied with a smile in his voice.  
  
"Hell's teeth," she growled out. "You make me sound like an ostrich   
or a sparrow."  
  
"Sparrow is more like it," he offered, squeezing her shoulder. "The   
point is, I understand, Tegan and quite in the way you want me to. I   
have a feeling I would feel the same if I were your father.   
Remember: I know what exists in the Universe." His gaze centered on   
the falling snow outside the van and he nodded slowly. "More so now   
than before" he breathed.  
  
She shuddered. "How much more was there?"  
  
"Too much. And I wonder if I'm not part of the evil that we fear"   
he heard coming out of his mouth, quietly, as if in a daze.  
  
There was silence and then in the dark, he felt her take his right   
hand. "You aren't evil, Doctor."  
  
"You didn't see me as Supremo."  
  
"Supremo?"  
  
"My alter-ego, apparently. I led the army as a warlord, Tegan. I   
commanded thousands. And to be truthful, I quite liked it, to an   
extent."  
  
There was a squeeze to his hand. "Doctor. Listen to yourself. I   
understand how you would like it. You're a Time Lord. I think   
leading is in your blood; you're a natural born leader. But I doubt   
that ordering battles and seeing deaths on that scale was something   
you enjoyed."  
  
"No" he answered, his eyes widening. "Nowinning the battlesthe   
strategythe adreneline rush, yes. But the deathsno."  
  
"That's the Doctor I know," she replied.   
  
"You weren't there. I was quite different."  
  
"Why are you trying so hard to make me believe the worst in you?" she   
asked. Her fingers started to withdraw and he tightened his hand on   
her shoulder hoping, on some level, to keep her touching him. "Do   
you want me to walk away again?"  
  
"No, that isn't the point," he issued and then bowed his head closer   
to hers to keep their conversation very quiet. "And no, I don't want   
you to walk away again. I'm different, though, now."  
  
He could feel her gaze and her breath on the side of his   
face. "You're different, then. Not worse, not betterdifferent. I   
could tell that when you walked in the door. I've never seen you so   
dejected."  
  
He nodded and lowered his eyes to see where his larger, darker hand   
was covered by her paler, smaller one. "Yes, well"  
  
"Can I ask a question?"  
  
"Of course," he replied, keeping his gaze centered on their hands.  
  
"Why me? Why come here?"  
  
The surprise was clear on her face when he answered   
quickly. "Because out of all my companions in this incarnation, you   
know me best. And because you always kept me on track, whipped me   
into shape, and I could tell you did it and wanted to travel with me   
simply because we were and are friends. And your sense of morality   
is very keen. I need that right now."  
  
When she didn't say anything, he lifted his eyes to her face. "You   
don't mind being needed, do you, Tegan?"  
  
"You need me?" she asked, quietly.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"It's hurting you to admit, isn't it?" she whispered.  
  
"No, surprisingly."  
  
"But I don't know what to do to help you," her voice was gentle. He   
had heard her take that tone with Amy when she stubbed her toe   
earlier that day. "I'm a 9-5 worker and a mother now, Doc."  
  
"You're still Tegan. I don't need a companion, Tegan, and I   
definitely do not need our adventures or a silly rendition thereof.   
I need a friend. I need your reality for a while, not my own. My   
own reality is rapidly becoming something I don't like very much.   
Until I can rectify everything to what I know of myself, I would   
rather like to experience your reality. Don't do anything for me  
just.be. Do you understand?"  
  
"I'll end up putting you to work, you realize," she joked, but he   
could hear the change in her voice.   
  
"Please do. Although I'll tell you that I don't quite understand a   
fair bit of family interactions and interactions with children where   
they want you to be a responsible adult around them."  
  
"Hmmm, well" she sighed. "That I'm used to about you. It'll just   
be like old times."  
  
He gave her a tight smile. "Yes, well"  
  
For the rest of the ride, they sat together, quiet and watched the   
snow falling in the glow of the headlights.

**

"Mom is quite taken with you," Tegan said as she picked up Michael.   
It was near evening and they had to start back to London.   
  
"Is she?" he pressed as he lifted the box of presents into the   
boot. With a grunt, he fit it in the one possible way that he had   
found and then flattened the remaining satchel of clothes on top of   
it. With a little luck, he thought, the lid will shut. He slammed   
it shut and turned to Tegan with a smile. "Interesting. I had   
thought that your father found me lacking."  
  
"Mom and Dad are of separate and very different minds. Hold him   
while I get Amy secured, will you?"  
  
He gently took the nodding, soon to be sleeping child in his arms and   
walked around the car to the passenger side. "So your father does   
find me lacking," he stated quietly through the open car door. Tegan   
gave him a glance over Amy's head and smiled. He studiously ignored   
the look and frowned as he set about placing Michael into   
the child restraints.   
  
"Shoulder restraints down and then clip him in, Doc. No, Dad doesn't   
find you completely lacking. He's happy I have a friend like you."  
  
He hummed and finished with Michael, gently setting up a small scarf   
next to the child's head in the seat to cushion him. "I'll drive   
back to the city, Tegan; it'll give you a rest."  
  
She sighed with a frown and shook her head. "Cripes, Doc. What is   
it about me and rest with you every time you visit?"  
  
"I don't need any."  
  
"Hmm," she sighed as she crossed him behind the car to get to the   
passenger side. "Really."  
  
"Well, definitely not as much as you do," he replied, climbing into   
the car and moving the seat back. Amy giggled as the back of his   
seat crowded into her space. "Is it a problem?"  
  
"No."  
  
He gave her a glance when he started the engine. "Then why complain   
about it?"  
  
"When have I ever not complained around you?"  
  
"I suppose you do have a point," he muttered. He rubbed his hands   
together and adjusted the heat so that it blew towards the general   
back seat. "Are you all right back there, Amy?"  
  
"Yes," the girl giggled. "You're bigger than Momma."  
  
"Quite," he agreed. A glance over his shoulder and a waggle of his   
eyebrows brought another loud burst of laughter from the girl. "And   
what else is different about your Mother and I?" He slowly put the   
car into gear and met Tegan's gaze with his own.   
  
"Momma's a girl."  
  
"And?" he pressed.  
  
"You're a boy."  
  
Tegan opened her mouth to correct Amy, but the Doctor shook his   
head. "Very good, Amy. Very good."  
  
As the Doctor moved the car out of the driveway and through the town   
and Amy found her dolls more attractive to talk with than her mother,   
Tegan tried to complete the earlier conversation. "Mother thinks   
you're the cat's meow simply because you made those boughs for her.   
And Dad's simply preoccupied with financial matters"  
  
"Yours or theirs?"  
  
"Turn left at the next intersection," she tiredly instructed. "Mine,   
I suppose, more than theirs."  
  
"You have problems with your financial matters?"  
  
"There's nothing you can do about it," she precluded quickly. "I'm   
making ends meet and the bills are paid. On good months, I can save   
a little. I think I'm doing just grand."  
  
He lifted an eyebrow and steered the car through the rest of the town   
and onto the expressway. "Do you?" he asked later after   
conversation with Amy had drifted off into oblivion when the child   
fell asleep. The car was dark with only the dashboard lights of the   
small Hyundai illuminating the interior. The snow lent itself to   
intense quiet that was relaxing and intimate rather than stifled.   
  
"Do I what?" she asked in return quietly.  
  
"Do you really think that you are doing grand?"  
  
"Doc."  
  
"Truly."  
  
"You're not a financial genius," she chided. "And you don't live   
this way. Money doesn't mean anything to you."  
  
"Not per se, Tegan, but I do know how many beans makes five.   
Besides," he confided as he guided the car along the road. "I saw   
the present your parents gave you."  
  
"Did you?" she scoffed quietly and glanced out the window. "There is   
nothing wrong with them giving me money for Christmas, Doc. They   
didn't know what to buy me."  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"Doc, you're a friend, not my keeper. I'm all right," she replied,   
glancing back at him. In the dark, she seemed to him to be the   
scared girl he had seen on a freighter so many years previously. Her   
large brown eyes were shrouded in shadow, but he could see the gleam   
in them. Her pale cheeks seemed a shock of cream in the night and   
her lips were slightly parted. He could only see a peak of white   
behind her dark lips. She nodded earnestly. "I am. I'm a big girl."  
  
"I know," he said quietly, avoiding the argument brewing in their   
conversation. At best it would just raise both of their tempers; at   
worst, it would wake the children. "What do you plan on doing with   
your Christmas gift?"  
  
She smiled. "A computer."  
  
"An excellent and yet surprising choice," he chuckled.   
  
With a sour frown that plucked at his humor, she continued. "Amy   
should have one. I suppose I should learn, but I think the children   
should have one. It's like attending nursery school now in days"  
  
He nodded. "So you are getting one for the children"  
  
"YesI'll use itbut it will be theirs primarily," she   
explained. "The next exit is ours."  
  
He frowned and slowed the car to take the exit. He had expected   
something like this of her. She was very forceful about what she   
felt was important in life, extremely giving to her family and very   
protective of their future. It exceeded the ferocity she had   
displayed at keeping he and Turlough safe; exceeded her protection of   
Nyssa and Adric. The realization of his expectation wasn't   
something he was happy with, however.   
  
She glanced at him as they again crept along the back streets toward   
her apartment. He felt the weight of her stare and acknowledged it   
with a smile. "I suppose you want me to help you buy one."  
  
"The thought crossed my mind, yes," she replied with a smile.  
  
"And the children?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder at the two   
sleeping children in the back seat.   
  
"I have a friend, an older woman from work, she said that she would   
watch them tomorrow so that I could do a tad bit more shopping," she   
answered. "Would you mind?"  
  
"Noit would be best if you had someone who had an idea about those   
things with you. If not for consumer properties then for computer   
properties, at least. Yes, all right" he agreed with a slight   
grin. "Although I do think I'll regret the foray into the pre-  
Christmas crowds."  
  
"We all do, Doc. Next right and then a left"  
  
"Yes, I quite recognize where we are," he stated with a little   
agitation.  
  
"Just helping."  
  
"I understand."  
  
He smiled suddenly at the exchange and eased the car around the final   
corner and into her parking spot. As he shut down the car, she   
sighed. "Thank you, Doc. I admit it was relaxing to be the   
passenger. Carry Amy?"  
  
"I suppose it would be best not to wake them"  
  
"Not unless you want the both of us to stay up most of the night with   
them, no," she whispered.   
  
His smile was lost in the dark, he supposed. Still, he let it   
shine. "Then carry Amy I shall."  
  
**  
  
The next morning found them stumbling through the crowds on the   
street as they tried to make it to the computer outlet store. He, at   
one point, pulled Tegan up against his chest to keep her from being   
hurried into a street by the mob. They stood balanced on the curb   
until the crowd abated and the traffic stopped. He grabbed her hand   
to keep her from getting separated from him.   
  
"There is a reason I don't celebrate Christmas all the time, Tegan,"   
he grumbled as they trudged up the shoveled sidewalk toward another   
intersection. "And I do believe this is one of the reasons  
horrendous trying to get around here, isn't it? Getting chased by   
Cybermen was less hectic."   
  
"Oh stop complaining, Doc" she warned. "We'll go into the computer   
store and then I we'll have to split up."  
  
"Good Gallifrey, you aren't still planning"  
  
"I have to do some shopping for friends, Docand I don't think you   
want to go into a woman's clothing shop."  
  
"Not particularly," he muttered as he held open the door to the   
computer store for her. "Although it might be a sight bit safer than   
running about in the road as we have been."  
  
She laughed and they entered the store.  
  
**  
  
The Doctor put down his cup of tea and frowned. He had found a place   
of refuge away from the crushing pre-Christmas crowds in a local tea   
shop. There were still a couple of hours until he had to rejoin   
Tegan and he needed the rest. At his feet were two large bags of   
presents wrapped in red and green. He had had to have them wrapped   
in separate colors to know which child would receive which presents.   
And he was rather proud that he had found educational presents.   
  
No, it was not the procurement of the children's presents that had   
him frowning; it was the lack of a gift for Tegan.   
  
He had often given her things on board the TARDIS, but they had been   
things that she needed. And they were his to give. But that had   
been, as she put it, his reality. But this was her reality and   
things that he might give her from his ship, or his life, would have   
no use in her life now, here. Truly, he wasn't quite sure that Tegan   
would exchange gifts with him; there had been no discussion of that   
topic between them. But during the course of the day, he had watched   
Tegan give away the gift that she had received to her children. He   
wanted to give her something.  
  
He didn't quite know what to get her, however.  
  
But he did know who would.  
  
Rising, he gathered the bags of presents and strode out the door. He   
had a phone call to make.  
  
**

**  
  
Christmas Eve  
  
**  
  
Tegan lifted the tray of Christmas cookies over head as Amy scurried   
into the main room from the bedroom. It was either that, the Doctor   
realized, or have the lot of it on the floor. He glanced up from   
where he was stacking blocks with Michael and smiled. "Amywhy don't   
you come back over here?"  
  
"Father Christmas needs my stocking," the girl stated in a no-  
nonsense tone of voice. She turned and faced the Doctor as he sat,   
spread legged on the floor. With a wistful smile, he watched as her   
small hands rose to her hips, her full child lips pouted and her foot   
did little else but tap. With her hair cropped short to her head and   
a mass of curls, he thought he was seeing Tegan as she was as a   
youngster. "If I don't have it out"  
  
"We'll hang them just before you go to sleep, Amy," her mother   
explained. From the tone of her voice, the Doctor figured Tegan was   
at the edge of her patience. Michael was at the end of his as well   
but with the stacking of his blocks and not the conversation. He   
clamored over the Time Lord's legs and knocked at the wood and block   
edifice he had helped to build. Hearing the crash of the wood   
against the floor, the Doctor sighed and then glanced back down.  
  
"Not to your liking, eh, Michael?" he asked, quietly.   
  
"But why do I have to go to sleep?" Amy pressed. Apparently, she had   
forgotten the stocking and was intent on the last few words her   
mother had uttered. "I'm six, can't I see him?"  
  
"Father Christmas won't come if you are awake," Tegan explained,   
placing the tray of cookies and milk on the table.   
  
"But why won't he come?" Amy approached the table. When Tegan   
turned her back to turn on the radio for Christmas music, the child   
reached out to take cookies. The Doctor shook his head slowly and   
picked Michael up to tickle the boy so he wouldn't run over to the   
cookies as well. The last thing the child needed was sugaring that   
close to sleep. He met Tegan's eyes and saw the plea for help with   
her daughter's insistent questions. As he had for the last four   
days, he offered a blinding technique to draw Amy's attention off of   
her line of questioning.  
  
"Father Christmas travels by magic and mystic faith," the Doctor   
stated calmly and quietly. The only rise of his voice occurred when   
Michael squealed with delight at the Time Lord's assault. "How do   
you think is everywhere in the world in one night, Amy?"  
  
"He's Father Christmas," Amy answered.   
  
"Ah, yes, yes, he is. But how do you think Father Christmas does   
what he does?" the Doctor pressed, turning Michael over to tease at   
the boy's stomach.   
  
"I don't know," Amy replied, but she seemed to crumple a little and   
approached the Doctor to sit on the floor by him.   
  
"Well" the Doctor puffed a breath and glanced at Tegan. He could   
see the appreciation for the help shining in her eyes. It cheered   
him a little. "In order to do what he does, Father Christmas relies   
on mythical belief and magic. And in order for magic to work   
properly, you can't watch it. Why do you think you've never seen a   
unicorn, but you know they exist?"  
  
"They exist?" the child asked earnestly. "I love unicorns."  
  
"Yes, I know," the Doctor returned, quietly, with a slight   
smile. "Of course, they do, but they wouldn't if we saw them.   
They're magical, yes?"  
  
"Yes," Amy agreed. Then a sudden thought lit up her eyes. "Father   
Christmas has reindeer that fly."  
  
The Doctor leaned over Michael and tweaked Amy's nose. "And they fly   
by magic. That's why you can't see him or them, Amy. Once you saw   
them, they would cease to exist. Reality harms them."  
  
She mulled over the knowledge she had been given as though she had   
been handed the answer to the mysteries of the universe and quieted.   
The Doctor raised his eyes to Tegan again and gave her a wink. She   
returned it with a wink of her own. But then glanced at her   
son. "Doctor, it's nine. I think Michael and Amy should attempt to   
go to sleep, don't you?"  
"Indubitably," he replied. "And I think Michael said he would help   
me with his diaper. Isn't that right, Michael?"  
  
Michael stood up from the Doctor's lap and tried to climb up his   
shoulders with a laugh. "Diapers," he repeated.  
  
"Hmmm," the Time Lord agreed. Then he rose and nodded to Tegan who   
waved him on. Then with Michael tucked under one arm and Amy holding   
onto his thighs, mimicking his steps, he ventured into the bedroom.   
Behind him, he could hear Tegan's thankful sigh.  
  
**  
  
He watched her from the door of her room. All that was visible was   
her legs, perched on the top of the ladder leading up to the small   
storage area in the loft. Then in an effort not to scare her, he   
gently called. "Need help, Tegan?"  
  
"Actually, yes. Catch," she responded. He barely had time to hold   
out his arms before a moderate sized bag of toys emerged from the   
ceiling and fell into his grasp. Her dust smudged face peered down   
at him from her lofty perch. When she rejoined him on the floor, she   
gave him a large smile. "And thank you for putting them to bed."  
  
"Yes, wellI have gotten quite good at changing diapers, if I say so   
myself," he replied. "And before you launch into a lecture on   
spoiling you, Tegan, there are two things to say in my defense. One,   
of all the evenings I have been here, Christmas Eve is the one night   
that you need the time for other things and two: it is, on some   
level, enjoyable to me now. Amy likes to hear me read and Michael   
likes my storytelling."  
  
"They simply like you," she assured him. "And I do appreciate it."   
She closed the ceiling and turned to him. "The eggnog is on the   
stove, the tree is outside the door, decorations in the hall and I   
have all the presents wrapped and ready to go. It's nine. Think we   
can get it all done by two?"  
  
"If we get right down to work," he stated with a frown. "I never   
understood the decorating of the tree after the children went to   
sleep."  
  
**  
  
She brought a mug of eggnog out to the Doctor as he settled the star   
on top of the tree. There was a moment of teetering in the branches   
of the pine and then the star blinked into electric existence. He   
gave her a smile and accepted the mug before collapsing on the   
couch.   
  
"It didn't require a rewiring, you know," she laughed quietly. She   
adjusted the presents at the foot at the tree and then sank to the   
floor in front of the couch to sip at her drink. "Is it done to your   
specifications now?"  
  
He frowned playfully. "Barely, but yes. It's passable," he   
agreed. "And I didn't entirely rewire the tree, Tegan. But it is   
safer now for the children."  
  
"I'm glad for that," she gave him a cheeky grin. "And you did it   
without knocking any of the ornaments off"  
  
"Yes," he sighed and leaned forward to lift a branch of the tree. "I   
meant to ask you about this particular picture ornament here"  
  
Tegan turned and then swiped his hand to get him to release the   
small, sequined picture frame on the tree. "That's me at ten, Doc.   
Don't pick on me. I've seen your other selves; you've looked worse   
than you do now. It's the hair. You've looked worse in this   
lifetime than you do now."  
  
"Hmmm," he muttered with a rise of his eyebrows. He sipped his   
eggnog and glanced at the clock. "We completed it before two, Tegan."  
  
"But it's after midnight," she replied.   
  
He was surprised when she turned to him, her eyes shining and a small   
smile on her face. "Happy Christmas, Doc."   
  
With a startled, sudden thought, he realized that he had indeed been   
with Tegan and her 'brood' for five days, if the midnight switching   
of date was considered, and that he was slowly coming to terms with   
his 'Supremo' alter ego. He hadn't thought about the war or   
prisoners or Morbius in several days. He had thought of Peri,   
however, and vowed to visit her on the morrow after the children had   
opened their presents.   
  
Supremo, although he had on some level enjoyed the unquestioned   
authority and the power inherent in the position he had had for over   
a year, was rapidly becoming part of him that enriched him and didn't   
overwhelm him. He was healing, he supposed and dealing with those   
things that he had done.   
  
Tegan rose and disappeared into her bedroom while he was   
reminiscing. By the time she returned, he was actively looking for   
her. She teetered in with a large box. "I have a feeling you're   
leaving in the morning"  
  
"Not before the present opening," he replied solemnly.  
  
"Knowing my two terrors, they'll have the presents open and played   
with before seven. You'll be able to get a full day if you are   
leaving."  
  
"Yes, wellyou'll have family coming and I should see to Peri-"  
  
"You could bring her here," Tegan stated quietly.  
  
"I'll certainly consider that."  
  
"You lie horribly."  
  
"Most people think I do it so well-" he frowned. "And by the beard   
of Rassilon, what do you have there?"  
  
She brought over the gift, wrapped in his estimation rather gaudily   
in a white, silver and green paper, and placed it next to him on the   
sofa. Then she regained her perch on the floor. "That, my dear   
Doctor, is your Christmas present. It would be best to open it now;   
the morning will be for the children."  
  
He reached over and picked up the box, frowning at its   
weight. "Isn't this a little much, Tegan?" he sighed.  
  
With a shrug that he again could tell wasn't entirely indifference,   
she replied: "Consider it back payment for the years when I lived   
off of you in the TARDIS."  
  
"Lived off of me?" he sputtered, completely confused.   
  
"Well, you willingly offered everything in the TARDIS: food,   
boarding, excitement and pursuing aliens included. And" she   
shrugged again, but then raised her gaze to his. He could see the   
characteristic forthright attitude and honesty she held flashing out   
of them. "WellHappy Christmas, thanks for that and all that, Doc."  
  
He frowned and tilted the heavy box to the side, humming as he felt   
the contents shift.   
  
"Just rip it open," Tegan laughed. He realized that she was seeing   
his restraint of his curiosity.   
  
With raised eyebrows, he did so, feeling the paper crinkle in his   
hands. Soon the box was bared and opened and he stared at the   
contents, shocked. Inside were two complete cricketing outfits.   
One, he could tell was his from previously and the other was   
new. "Tegan."  
  
"I saw that the trousers didn't quite fit well in the legs, Doc. I   
gave them to mother and she took the hems out when we were at their   
house. The sweater was in need of reweaving at the hem. I did that   
with a crochet hook in the bedroom the other night. And the shirt,   
well"  
  
He lifted out the sweater and gave her a glance. She continued,   
after refraining from frowning at him. "The other outfit, well" she   
tilted her head to the side and almost angrily stated: "Doc, you   
need some change sometimes, you know. You couldn't even look at the   
outfit of yours when you came here. You almost ripped it when you   
changed out of it, and you haven't put it on since you've been here-"  
  
"Yes, well; in your reality cricket outfits really aren't   
commonplace, are they?" he asked earnestly. "Especially not in   
December, Tegan."  
  
"Be that as it may," she continued and he saw, too late realized,   
that she thought he was rejecting her present. "You've mentioned how   
you feel different since this Supremo business of yours and I thought   
that a new outfit that was similar but different was in order. It's   
from Harrods. Time Lord or no, you like to have soft cotton-"  
  
"Tegan, it's lovely. How you managed to get the double red striping   
is beyond me, but I do appreciate it. Thank you."  
  
She frowned, but he waved her to be quiet. "Truly, Tegan. I do   
appreciate it. But a gift was not necessary" He put down the   
sweater and sighed, rubbing his neck. His voice sounded overly   
quiet, even to his ears, when he spoke again. "Allowing me to be   
part of your life, staying with you, at this time was gift enough for   
me. It was what I needed when I needed it. Thank you."  
  
Her smile was tinged with something like stubborn will, he supposed   
when he saw it. "You're welcome."  
  
Then he waved his hand in the air for a moment and nearly growled in   
anger. "Of course; how silly of me. Sit there"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't move," he warned and went to the hallway closet. The bag he   
drug from its recesses was filled with presents for the children and   
the few small ones he had gotten her. He joined her back at the   
couch and began to hand her wrapped presents. "These are for the   
children. Three for Amy and two for Michael. Would you be so kind   
to put them under the tree for me?"  
  
She sputtered a laugh, but turned to do his bidding. "Lord. Buying   
presents for my children, Doc. This was completely unnecessary, but   
they'll love you for it. Knowing you, they're of the educational   
variety, but they'll be fun, because if anything, you're just an   
overgrown child yourself"  
  
"I resent that, Tegan. I'll have you know that I am a very mature   
Time Lord," he replied, pulling two last gifts from the bottom of the   
bag and holding them on his lap. She was still facing away from him,   
staring at the pile of presents under the tree. Then she turned and   
he held up his hand to stop the tirade he could feel was   
coming. "And don't argue, Tegan-"  
  
"Docthose aren't for me"  
  
"Yes, they are. What guest or friend would I be if I didn't give you   
something?" he chided.   
  
As she sighed, he quickly gave her to the two gifts. "NowI believe   
you told me to open mine.please, open yours."  
  
"Doc-"  
  
"Please?" he asked agitated, his eyes widening on the word. "The box   
first, if you wouldn't mind."  
  
She frowned comically wide and untied the bow and ripped the paper.   
When she opened the box, he began to explain. "I asked your mother   
what you would want or need for Christmas and the things she told me,   
I knew I wouldn't be able to buy. Women's fashion if the woman is   
with me is quite all right, but aloneno. I didn't even know your   
size. But she suggested the stores that you liked as a young woman   
and now and well"  
  
"Doc" she held up the gift certificates. "This is soI   
wouldn't have expected this of you." She continued to look through   
them. "Butgood Lordthere must be ten certificates here for   
different storesDoc this is too much"  
  
"Don't discuss money with me, Tegan. What use do I have for it,   
anyway?" he asked earnestly.  
  
"But how"  
  
"It's easy if you plan to jump back in time on the TARDIS to invest   
money in a bank to incur interest," he replied with a smile.   
  
"That's cheating."  
  
"That's one of the perks of Time Travel," he stated. Then with a   
smile he nodded to the other gift. "And that other one is purely my   
idea, and a little selfish of me."  
"Now I'm curious," she chuckled. "Thank you."  
  
"Open it," he said impatiently.  
  
It was an envelope and she turned it over to see that he had sealed   
it with her Christmas stamp and wax. "Nice, Doc."  
  
"Don't complain; open."  
  
With a sigh and a smile that spoke of anticipation, she pried open   
the envelope and let the contents slide into her hand. She gazed at   
them for so long that the Doctor wondered if he had indeed done   
something wrong. She raised her gaze to his and he was suddenly   
struck into silence by the tears in them. "Doc"  
  
"It upsets you?" he asked quietly, leaning forward, shifting his   
weight.  
  
"A vacation? I'm" she glanced back down at the brochure and   
confirmation of hotel reservations. "I'm speechless, Doc."  
  
"I trust that is in a good way?" he pressed.   
  
She nodded and then shook her head. "DocI can't take this"   
  
"I made reservations for two adults and two childrenthree rooms."  
  
"I can see that" she gulped and sighed. "And at that fun beach we   
went to with Turlough when we had problems with that horrible virus,   
but DocI can't"  
  
"It's in six months, Tegan. You can get off work, yes?"  
  
She put down the forms and stared at him. "Doc, you can't be   
serious. You're not one to plan visits and you can't promise" She   
shifted, uneasy in her seat. "I'm assuming that you are the second   
adult, that is."  
  
"You assume correctly," he nearly groaned in frustration. "Would you   
like to hear my reasoning? Really, it would be best to hear before   
you condemn."  
  
Tegan reached for her eggnog and waved her hand to get him to   
explain. He could see, surprisingly that she was almost in shock.   
He crossed his legs and reached for his mug too. When she settled,   
he gave her a polite smile. "I have enjoyed my time here with you.   
I've enjoyed your children. And you were quite correct in that in   
being here, I've forgotten myselfor rather my recent actions and   
have fallen back, I hope, into what I used to be. Well," he replied,   
seeing her glance. "Maybe not back completely, but I'm becoming   
comfortable with myself again. However you think about it, Tegan,   
you've helped me heal. Your children help me heal to an extent I   
would have never expected. And I like your children."  
  
"They like you," she agreed.   
  
"I would like to spend time with them again when I am fully myself   
and can give them back some time and attention-"  
  
"Doctor-"  
  
"Hear me out," he retaliated. "You and your children give me a taste   
of mundane reality that I haven't had since Gallifrey."  
  
"Mundane, is it?" she asked, haughtily, putting down her mug. "Doc,   
you're losing points."  
  
"It's relaxing," he said, glaring at her. "It's normal. It's unlike   
Gallifrey in that there is unexpected occurrences and no jockeying   
for power. I enjoy it. I enjoy spending time with you. I enjoy   
your children, Tegan. And I thought you could use a vacation. That   
is all. Will you accept the gift?"  
  
She considered what he said while watching the lights on the tree   
twinkle. "I want to accept it. Doc, it's a thoughtful gift. But"  
  
"But?"  
  
Tegan frowned and leaned forward to touch his knee. "Amy remembers   
you clearly and thinks of you often, asks me about you. And Michael   
is besotted with you. You are doting on him. You are becoming a   
part of their life; I don't want them hurt."  
  
"Tegan, I won't hurt them; I promise."  
  
"They'll be excited to be going to North England, Doc."  
  
"So am I, and I hope, so are you," he replied. "But you are telling   
me that to remind me that I can't not go once I promise it to them."  
  
"You understand that?" she pressed. "I'm surprised."  
  
"It's Christmas; let's not fight," he pleaded. "Yes or no, Tegan? I   
promise I will be here to go."  
  
She gave a sudden short laugh and nodded. "Yes, Doctor. Yes, I'll   
go." When he sighed, she continued. "I AM grateful for the present   
and will enjoy it, Doctor. Thank you," she stated quietly. "I   
really didn't mean to give you gripe over it. You truly surprised me   
with it. I wouldn't have ever expected that."  
  
"Happy Christmas and you're welcome," he replied gruffly. "And I do   
occasionally do the unexpected, Tegan."  
  
"Undoubtedly," she replied and gently repackaged her present. "Thank   
you. You really do like my children, don't you?"  
  
"It isn't just your children, Tegan. You used your present for your   
children. I'm giving you a present to you for you," he explained   
gently.  
  
She had risen to take their mugs into the kitchen and stopped at the   
door. The room was only lit by a collection of lights on the   
Christmas tree which were twinkling in unison and in pattern and   
there was little more to see than her eyes, her mouth and the white   
piping on her shirt. "Is that really it, Doc?"  
  
"It's more than half of it, Tegan," he agreed, leaning back into the   
nap of the couch and enjoying the light play. "And this reality is   
really very comforting to me."  
  
She seemed introspective and listed at the door, her hands full and   
her eyes twinkling in the light. He swore he could see the moment   
that the reason for his present settled into her mind. The smile   
emerged on her face slowly. "Thank you." The words were barely   
above the music from the radio.   
  
And then she disappeared into the kitchen and he was left with the   
peaceful Christmas scene laid out at his feet.

**

The morning came quickly, he supposed. He could hear the small   
movements of the children in their bedroom as they stirred. The   
Doctor hadn't slept but that wasn't unusual for him. Surrounding him   
were empty eggnog mugs and the remnants of cookies and packaging.   
The pile of presents looked wonderful in its Christmas finery. His   
eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep, and his head listed on the   
back of the padded couch.  
  
The week had been both productive and relaxing, he mused. It was   
productive and busy enough that he hadn't thought of what he had   
labeled his 'personality problem'. However, it was relaxing enough   
that somehow, somewhere along the line he had fallen back into   
himself. He was comfortable with his life again. Tegan's present   
meant more to him than she had probably meant it to mean. She had   
adjusted his old clothes so that they fit him better and had given   
him a change of clothes.   
  
She had personified the change he had had with her gift. The clothes   
were like his personality; adjusting the seams until he felt more   
comfortable and giving him a change in case he wanted it. All he had   
to do was accept it and don it.  
  
And not only that, he thought. Tegan had helped him. She knew him.   
Knew a great deal about who he was and what he wanted in life,   
because she was very much like him.   
  
They had grown back a little of their old interaction style over the   
course of the week and had fallen well back into their friendship.   
Not that it had ever waned in his opinion, but the time had allowed   
them to become completely comfortable with one another again. Their   
similar caring personalities in the face of two children that needed   
that care allowed them to shine, he supposed.   
  
He had enjoyed, thoroughly enjoyed, the break. He hadn't lied when   
he said it was relaxing. And the children were a joy to him. They   
indeed liked him just because he was who he was, and not what he   
could give to them.   
  
With a sigh, he opened his eyes and rubbed at his head fuzzily. He   
felt a tug at his leg and looked down to see Tegan's feet turning.   
She had fallen asleep on the couch, her head on the pillow and her   
feet on his legs as they had talked away the early hours of the   
morning. He supposed it would have been better to carry her into her   
room, or wake her so she could do the same, but he had had no drive   
to do so. She didn't harm him sleeping as she was and she was   
comfortable enough to sleep peacefully that he decided to just leave   
her.   
  
Besides, that had only been two hours ago; she was getting barely   
enough sleep as is.  
  
The Doctor glanced at Tegan's face, slack with sleep, and smiled.   
She was still Tegan, but she was a different, more evolved animal   
now. He liked that.  
  
He heard two pairs of feet on the floor and barely had enough time to   
come fully out of his musings before the door to the bedroom flew   
open. He was physically assaulted by the sound of Michael's squeal   
and Amy's giggle. "Happy Christmas," both of them called.  
  
Tegan didn't have enough time to awake up before Michael was at her   
hand, pulling on it to get her up. Amy launched herself at the   
Doctor and he was happy he was physically stronger than a human and   
could keep the child aloft and off of Tegan's ankles and feet.  
  
"Happy Christmas," he chuckled. "Father Christmas came."  
  
"Happy Christmas," Tegan yawned and blearily blinked at her son.   
  
"Can we open gifts, Momma? Or do we have to eat breakfast first?"   
Amy asked practically. He could see her eyes watching the presents   
and hoped that Tegan would allow the children to open the presents   
first.  
  
"Yes. Go ahead. We'll eat when you're done," his friend replied as   
she swung her legs around and off his lap to stand. "I'll help   
Michael find his; Amy, just go slowly, please."  
  
The girl wiggled until he let her close enough to give the Doctor an   
embrace and then she squirmed until he set her down. And she was   
off, running to the tree and her stocking. He felt bereft without   
Tegan's feet on his lap, but he supposed he simply missed the touch   
of another. As his old companion was pulled past him by her son   
towards the tree and the modest pile of gifts, she gave him a sleepy   
smile.   
  
His Christmas was complete.   
  
**  
  
The children were asleep. It was barely noon and he was surprised   
that two bundles of energy would fall asleep so quickly. He was   
cheered to see that Amy liked his chess set; she had fallen asleep on   
the board. Michael loved his talking phonetics book. He felt well   
about the educational gifts he had given. The doll and the small car   
for Amy and Michael respectively were impulse buys he had had, but   
loved that they were liked.  
  
He could hear Tegan in the kitchen, bustling about getting dinner   
together. And he. Well, he was getting changed. It was time to go.  
  
As he slipped out of his clothes and into the cricketing outfit, he   
felt as though he were putting his soul back into the proper place.   
The shirt buttoned easily, the sweater slid over his shoulders to lie   
on his chest and the trousers were indeed a proper fit. He felt old,   
but renewed as though he had been forged in his mold with new   
materials.   
  
With a shrug of his shoulders, his coat regained its place. He was   
complete.  
  
**  
  
"You're leaving."  
  
He heard the words as soon as he entered the kitchen. They were said   
in the no-nonsense tone that he associated with her and if he shut   
his eyes he knew he would feel as though he were in the console room   
and she would be just joining him. The voice kept him on track and   
made him accountable for his actions. It was making him accountable   
now.  
  
"Yes," he answered, slipping his hands into his pockets. He leaned   
against the doorjam and watched her as she took the ham out of the   
oven to coat it with juice. Her nod made him relax a little.  
  
"Bring Peri by when you come back this summer," she prodded. The   
brush gently coated the ham, but she refused to turn around.  
  
"All right, yes," he agreed. "You're reminding me that I'm to come   
back, aren't you?"  
  
Her shrug made him smile.   
  
"I will come back, Tegan. I told both Michael and Amy; I did realize   
what that meant. I'll be here June 21st."  
  
"I'll get used to this, you know," she said quietly. "I'll get used   
to you again."  
  
The Doctor didn't know what to say and stared at her dumbly as she   
faced him. With a small frown and another shrug, she put the ham   
back into the oven. "We are friends, Tegan. Visiting you and   
visiting your family is very enjoyable. It's okay to get used to me   
again. I'll be coming back."  
  
"And if something happens and you regenerate?" she returned, shutting   
the oven door.  
  
"I don't forget my companions when I regenerate, Tegan. I'll still   
come back."  
  
"And how do I explain that you are you to my children?"  
  
"Hmm, well," he rubbed the back of his neck. "That could be   
difficult"  
  
"If that happens" she sighed. "If you regenerate," she continued   
turning to him. "Don't."  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Don't come back. Not until much later, if you feel the need" she   
pressed. "For me? Do that, please?"  
  
He opened his mouth to reply the opposite, but closed it as he   
realized the logic behind her request. "All right," he responded.   
He repeated the phrase, louder, after he took a breath.  
  
She nodded. "You won't stay for dinner?"  
  
"Ah, no. No, I should go to the TARDIS. I should show Peri that I'm   
still alive."  
  
Tegan laughed. "You can bring her here, you know. And the good   
thing about time traveling, like Adric told me once, you can be in   
the TARDIS for hundreds of years and still come here as planned."  
  
"Quite," he agreed with a smile.   
  
"The clothes fit?"  
  
"Very well."  
  
"Good."  
  
With a sigh, he turned, taking his hat out of his coat and shaking it   
into shape. "You know I hate good-byes, Tegan."  
  
"Then don't say it. A wise friend of mine said that at one time. I   
remember it distinctly."  
  
He chuckled and nodded. The door jingled with sleigh bells as he   
opened it and he felt the cold seeping in from the hallway   
window. "I'll see you soon, Tegan. Thank you. For everything: the   
clothes, the time."  
  
"Come back," she said simply.  
  
And he walked out the door and into the hallway, placing his hat on   
his head. Then he turned and gave her a smile. "I will. My word."  
  
"I'll hold you to it," she smiled in return.  
  
"You wouldn't be you, if you didn't," he agreed with a sigh. "You'd   
better finish your meal, Tegan; you have company coming."  
  
"Take care," she replied and walked to the door wiping her hands. He   
gave the door over to her waiting hand, stepped completely into the   
hallway and nodded.   
  
"As always, Tegan," he returned. "And you do the same," he urged.  
  
At her nod, he turned and she shut the door quietly. His frown drew   
attention when he landed on the street, but he couldn't shake the   
feeling that there was more to be said by the both of them. They   
were hiding behind words or lack thereof. It made him uneasy,   
because he didn't know what he wasn't saying.  



End file.
